About Us

We kick boar-ing to the curb and make products with personality.

We reject mediocre and cookie-cutter body care.

Le Pampered Pig products will satisfy your hedonistic craving for skin as soft as silk.  

Our secret sauce is choosing evidence-based ingredients with more than 10,000 hours of formulation experience.

We put our expertise in packaging that will make you smile and maybe even snicker. We choose to stand out from the herd. Where else can you get fun packaging with products that won't turn you into a greased pig?

Why a pig-themed cosmetic line?

Eugene Schwartz once said:  "The ugly thing in a world of beauty stands out.."

I’m Linda Jakubus, a formulator who's going to tell it like it is.  If you’re crunchy or a full-blown greenie, go away.  But for those who are becoming anxious (I coined the term Cosmetica Nervosa on my blog) over the scientifically unsupported crap that’s being spread on the interwebs, and you wonder what's true and what is not, I got your back. 

The ugly side of beauty. 

First, are the outright lies and misinformation about “toxic” cosmetic ingredients.  The toxin terrorists are forgetting that women have a brain.  I'm here to encourage you to use yours. More about that later.  

Secondly, it’s the portrayal of women that are over-edited, airbrushed and impossibly beautiful.  These images have been dominating the beauty scene for years.  It puts pressure on the average woman who will never reach it, yet subconsciously feels she’s lacking. Women have enough shit to deal with.  We stand for realness.

It’s the type of thing that drove me to put a pig face on my cosmetic label; to poke a little fun at the beauty industry. Because beauty isn't defined by the size of your thigh-gap.  We acknowledge you yearn to feel unapologetically real-no matter your size or shape, and not be defined by ridiculous standards of perfection.  Be your own kind of fabulous.

Back to "toxic cosmetics".  There are none.  It's marketing.  Do you know of any victims of these dangerous beauty products? Neither are there any medically verified reports or epidemic clusters of disease. They've upped their game at vilifying certain ingredients that don't fit their philosophy. I'm seeing memes and ads to "ditch the nasties".  

Look at how often you see the beauty cliché of the day.  “All natural and organic”.  They all friggin’ sound alike.  Nothing original.  Just a switch up an exotic oil or butter here and there from a bastardized DIY Pinterest recipe, grab a stock photo, and you’re in business.  The problem is, it's based on worldview. That doesn't necessarily ensure safe products.

To be fair, many makers produce lovely products.  It’s the fear-mongering, abject lies, and misinformation from not having a science background, or unwillingness to learn from what science tells us, that I must speak out against.  Don’t get me wrong.  You don’t need to be a chemist to make products.  But a science background and post-grad statistics do help with separating fact from fiction. 

I can spot the clean, organic, natural nuts quickly when I read their “about me” page.  They sound soooo similar. 

More often than not, their business begins with the birth of a baby or relative that had breast cancer (they always blame parabens-although any "link" has been debunked by the global scientific community for years).  They don’t want a chemical with a name they can’t pronounce to touch their skin- even when they’ve been enjoying these products for years!  This is your red flag.  They call ingredients that sound scary “toxic” without regard to hazard, dose or exposure.  And now they're on a mission to save mankind from those "toxins".  They're in the business of scaring consumers for fun & profit with flawed data spewed by non-government activist groups.  They swallowed the misinformation whole without spitting, and now they offer the “safe” product they either make or earn an affiliate commission from.

The most meaningless term in the beauty business is "All Natural". Have you ever seen a lipstick tree or shampoo bush?  Does eye shadow come from your garden?  COSMETICS DON’T OCCUR IN NATURE.  WE MUST MAKE THEM.  WE SYNTHESIZE THEM. 

Take liquid saponified soap that some call "all natural".  To make it, a chemical reaction must occur- with the help of man-made potassium hydroxide.  Just because it is made of a material that comes from the earth, makes it no more natural than anything else- because ultimately all things we use as cosmetic ingredients come from the earth.  We can’t order ingredients from outer space, can we?  It comes down to degrees of processing and creating new things that were in-part derived from the earth.  Synthesizing new and novel ingredients is building several degrees upon the starting materials.  It doesn’t make it evil or less safe. Notice the current war on synthetic cosmetic ingredients- while these same chemophobes enjoy all the improvements with which new technology has enhanced their lives, standard of living, and increased longevity. 

I find it amusing that the snowflakes who rail against synthetic ingredients do it while typing from a synthetic computer keyboard.   If you really want all natural, get some kale, smash it up and wear it as green eye shadow.  Or better yet, give yourself a dirt facial.  The worm castings, bacteria and insect shit are all natural.  

Another misconception in the beauty world is organic ingredients are healthier.  I call it #healthwashing.  There is little compelling evidence, despite meta analyses that there are any significant health gains from consuming organic food, let alone what you put on your skin- which is a very effective barrier.  

Government agencies routinely test for pesticide residues and find them way below established limits……and if there were residues, they would likely be lost during processing. Marketers allow people to believe organic means pesticide- free.  Do you think those insects magically fly past organic crops? Organic agriculture does allow pesticides!! The difference is the origin of the pesticide.  Natural vs synthetic.  They all serve the same function.  Because organic pesticides are less efficient, they must use much much more to save their produce.

So why are people spending 2-4 times more for organic?  Great Marketing.  I would urge you to buy already safe conventional products and invest the money you save.  Better yet, use it to feed hungry children.

Why listen to me?  Well, I sure as hell don’t know everything.  But I did earn a BS in biology, then masters of science degree to become a certified physician assistant.  If my supervising physician trusted me enough to manage patients in intensive care and pull central lines out of people’s hearts over 18 years of practicing medicine, maybe you can trust me enough to talk straight about the ugly side of beauty.  I have 7 years experience as an industrial chemist, so I do know a little about dermatitis. I was part of a Dermatology team at the U of MI caring for patients with severe eczema, psoriasis and with secondary bacterial infections who failed outpatient treatment.  I know for a fact, (sorry online cosmetic sellers) slathering unrefined Shea butter or your special “healing salve” doesn’t cut it.  It might soothe mild cases, but so will Vaseline.  

Ready to deprogram from the propaganda? Follow me.

https://www.instagram.com/lepamperedpig/ https://twitter.com/lepamperedpig https://www.facebook.com/LePamperedPig

In search of a cream so satisfyingly sensual, it gives you a post-coital afterglow?

P.S.  Years ago, my past biz partner Barb who is a nurse, took a sample of Cream-of-the-Trough with her to work.  An ER doc tried it on her hands, then quipped she felt like she needed a cigarette.  It’s that good on an order of magnitude better than anything else.